How to Be a Modern Gentleman

“Be a man,” is something that most of us have heard at one time or another, especially while growing up. It was often lobbed as a directive—a warning to stop whining and toughen up. Sit down, shut up, and swallow the pain. And while there’s something to be said for quiet stoicism, it makes one wonder … What does it mean to be a man these days?

Perhaps, more importantly, we should be asking, “What makes a modern gentleman, nowadays?” After all, you don’t get much choice in being a man. It simply happens. But being a gentleman—that’s a choice. A practice, even. And it’s a practice that we care deeply about honing and perfecting. And if one thing is true, it’s that the role of men is changing.

But it’s always been changing. Some might warn that the sky of old-fashioned masculinity is falling, but that’s merely evolution. True, your version of being a man is different from your father’s. But even his version had evolved from the socially constructed gender roles your grandfather was raised on. According to Psychology Today, society operates on “the subconscious stories, built over millions of years, that allow us to best survive and reproduce.” With that in mind, men have a rich and long history of being protectors, fighters and status seekers. But at the same time, outdated rules and etiquette have always mucked up people’s expectations. So what are the useful rules, the practical dos and don’ts of being a good guy right now?

We’re talking about the little things. Sometimes they’re arbitrary and they’re definitely a bit biased, but they’re also what make a difference in one’s life and get noticed. They’re also the things are are easy to get wrong or forget in our fast-paced, digitally distracting lives. Things like …