TV’s Red Flags: Relationship Dynamics That Scream ‘Run!’

When it comes to TV relationships, the messier they are, the more we love them.

TV’s red flags are things we would (hopefully!) never accept in a real-life relationship but can’t get enough of in fiction.

There’s more than enough dysfunction to go around on TV; after all, what fun are happy relationships in your favorite dramas?

Enemies To Lovers Is King Among TV’s Red Flags

Almost every TV show has a variation of enemies-to-lovers, and fans can’t get enough of it.

I bet most of us could list at least a dozen recent examples of this trope, which involves two people who can’t stand the sight of each other, eventually realizing that it’s not hate that drives their emotions. It’s love.

In other words, they were repelled by the other person because they were afraid to admit that they were attracted to them.

In real life, people tend to be repelled by those who have values who are abhorrent to them or whose behavior makes them feel icky.

But look at the popularity of Brilliant Minds‘ Wolf and Nichols, for example.

When the series first began, Nichols was an arrogant neurosurgeon who couldn’t stand the sight of the unorthodox but brilliant Wolf.

Many fans picked up on their chemistry immediately and began debating how soon they would or should get together, and now that they’ve kissed, their shippers are thrilled.

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The Closed-Off Guy Who’s Afraid To Let Anyone Get Too Close

Look, there are a million people out there, so why do we need to waste our energy on someone who is afraid to share too much of themselves?

Yet this trope is a super-popular example of TV’s red flags, second only to the enemies-to-lovers thing.

Take Chicago Med‘s Crockett Marcel, for example.

Marcel’s heart was broken when his infant daughter died of leukemia, so he decided that from that day forward, he was married to his work.

One-night stands and borderline gross flirting with co-workers were fine. Relationships were out.

Then Natalie Manning fell hard for him.

Marcel was resistant until he wasn’t. Eventually, he admitted to her that he was afraid of intimacy and why.

That bonded them as a couple and made them popular with fans. (It also transformed Marcel from a sleazy surgeon to a fan favorite whose exit broke everyone’s heart.)

In reality, trying to pull an emotional connection out of Mr. Closed Off is way too much work, but would Marcel/Manning shippers have wanted it any other way?

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The Partner That All Your Friends Hate

If everyone who cares about you hates your new partner, that should be a giant red flag.

Sometimes, people get jealous or misjudge someone they don’t know, but presumably, your friends are looking out for you.

So if four or five people are telling you that someone’s bad news, that’s a sign to run the other way.

Yet when it happens on TV, it makes us want that couple to get or stay together even more than if people had kept their mouths shut.

Most of the time, friends in TV scenarios are completely wrong. Either it’s purposeful (they don’t want the protagonist to partner up or they want the Bad Boy/Bad Girl for themselves), they’re prejudiced, or they’re clueless.

I’ve fallen for this one of TV’s red flags a lot too.

JJ and Paige were one of my favorite Days of Our Lives couples (who are also a real life couple, but that’s beside the point).

It aggravated the hell out of me when Paige’s friends insisted that JJ’s past criminal record made him the wrong boy for her.

That’s because I was there for JJ’s mental health struggles and understood that he was not a bad person and had worked hard to turn his life around after all the acting out he’d done.

That’s the difference between TV and real life.

Most of the time, we know the proposed partner’s life intimately because we’ve followed them on their own journey, so we know that those well-meaning friends have got it all wrong.

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The Person You Already Tried And Failed With

I’m not much for second chances with the same person, except on TV.

Usually, there’s a reason why people break up, and their relationship isn’t likely to work out if they decide to get back together.

Besides, that’s part of the cycle of abuse.

While not everyone who considers rekindling the flame with an ex-lover is dealing with someone abusive or manipulative, repeated breakups and makeups are flashing red warning signs that something unhealthy is going on.

Yet on TV, we often love it when people whose relationships were such disasters that they ended up in an ugly divorce… suddenly decide to try again. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Olympia and Julian on Matlock!)

That used to be a trope on soap operas.

Every one of Days of Our Lives’ supercouples has had four or five divorces and remarriages, leading to Kayla swearing this was “the last time I’m doing this!” when she and Steve got remarried AGAIN.

It’s also sneaked into regular primetime dramas. Matlock Season 1 Episode 6 explored through flashback the case that led to Olympia and Julian’s divorce two years ago, and now they’re on their way back to each other romantically.

This one of TV’s red flags is popular because it appeals to our sense of romance.

The hopeless romantic in us wants to believe that “love springs eternal” and that people who are meant to be together will eventually find out way back to one another, even if in real life it didn’t work out that way and we’re still heartbroken about an old breakup.

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The Person Determined To Steal The Heart Of Someone Who Is Into Someone Else

Why would anyone with any self-respect be determined to get together with someone who isn’t into them?

Yet TV does it all the time. Every love triangle is based on the idea that X is in love with Y, but Z will show them that X and Z are meant to be.

(Sorry if that sentence triggered anyone’s fear of algebra problems!)

Seriously, as much as I hate Sophia on Days of Our Lives, I respected her decision to break up with Tate because he was using her as a consolation prize when he couldn’t be with Holly. It would have been nice if she’d done that before they had sex, but still, that’s a first on TV.

The Veronica/Archie/Betty love triangle was as popular in the Archie comics as it was on Riverdale, and it fits this trope perfectly.

Betty pined for Archie when he was with Veronica, which isn’t any better than actively trying to steal him.

Either way, this was a compelling triangle — and again, it predates the series and has been part of the Archie comics for years.

We love these types of triangles on TV even though being determined to be with someone else’s partner is super unhealthy because it speaks to our belief about who is meant to be with whom.

We’ve all had experiences when we wonder what is WRONG with our crush that they think someone else is better for them than us.

On TV, there’s a chance the person will wake up and see that their best friend is a way better romantic choice than their current lover, fulfilling our fantasies about the person who didn’t choose us.

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The Love Interest Who Disappeared Years Ago

I have to admit, I’m a sucker for this one.

These are the true second-chance romances, the ones that didn’t work out, and then years later, the people meet up again and fall hard for each other.

Unlike most of TV’s red flags, this is one that could happen in real life, if the circumstances are right.

I can believe that people who were once high school crushes could fall for each other again 50 years and one spousal death later.

However, this trope raises red flags when it’s something like what happened with Law & Order: Organized Crime‘s Benson and Stabler.

This couple has a huge, super-passionate fanbase that hates it if anyone says anything against their preferred couple.

Still, Stabler GHOSTED Benson for a decade, and she was supposed to be his best friend.

And before that, he made it very clear that he was married and wanted to stay that way.

It’s unrealistic for someone to give a person a second chance after being treated that way, yet here we are, with millions of people who are angry that it hasn’t happened yet.

Again, this trope appeals to the hopeless romantic in us who wants to believe that nothing is impossible to transcend if the people involved are right for each other.

Watch Law & Order: Organized Crime Online

The Abusive Person With A Heart of Gold (And Its Cousin, The Person Who Chooses Someone In Order To Fix Them)

Some relationships go beyond red flags to being the type of problematic no one should have in their life.

Days of Our Lives was the first to popularize “rapemance,” after EJ forced Sami to have sex with her and then she fell hard for him.

These kinds of stories tend to excuse the person who was being abusive with explanations about their traumatic childhood, the reasons they were in a bad mood when it happened, and so on.

Nighttime dramas can be equally guilty of this. Additionally, there are stories about people who decide to date someone with an eye to fixing them.

I’d put The Good Doctor‘s Shaun and Lea into this category.

By The Good Doctor Season 7, they had both grown into a mature, strong relationship, but in earlier seasons, many stories revolved around Lea wanting to “fix” Shaun instead of accepting his autism.

This is an unhealthy relationship dynamic, but it also speaks to our fantasy that love can fix someone else’s problematic behaviors.

In real life, we all want to be accepted for who we are, but on TV, the idea of someone becoming a better person because they fell in love is popular, and that dynamic makes a couple rootable.

This trope, more than any other, emphasizes the importance of realizing that TV is not real life.

In reality, hooking up with someone who has been abusive or who otherwise is in need of “fixing” can be dangerous rather than the beginning of an exciting love story, but on TV it can lead to a compelling romance.

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Over to you, TV Fanatics.

What are your favorite TV romance tropes?

Are any of them things you would not put up with in real life?

Hit the comments with your thoughts.